Come on, scare me!

/in /by

It’s that time of year where crazy people do crazier things-they go and try and find the scariest haunted house and attempt to scare the crap out of themselves. I’ll admit right off the bat that I do love a good spook house and an even better scare,  and we sure have great ones in this state. I remember years ago I had a party just after we dinosaurs were able to print off photographs from this new thing call the internet. I researched creepy looking human anomalies and odd heterosexual things and put photos of them up on my basement walls under a black light. The Halloween guests could be heard yelling ‘GROSS!’ and ‘Ew!’ which made my heart sing, especially since everyone at the party was someone from the LGBTQ community.

I’m a fan of Nightmare on 13th and Lagoon for different reasons. Nightmare traps you inside for 45 minutes with a tactile, visual and audio presentations that are truly Disney-esque quality. You either lead a pack of friends through the rooms and mazes or hide behind a pack in the hopes you won’t get shocked or chainsawed first.  Lagoon on the other hand is a different experience because you can go to the park in Farmington during the day and work your way into the night time scares. The rides are open, the place is decorated to the nines with pumpkins and wandering ghouls. There’s the Malevolent Mansion, a haunted Pioneer Villiage way back in the dark section of the park, a non-scary straw maze for kids and new this year, seances.  This fully immersive haunted experience blends ‘chilling live performance, intense physical effects and unexpected audience participation’. You purchase a ticket for that show on top of your Lagoon pass and show times are on ever hour during the weekends. There are adult and kid haunted houses and kids who purchase $1 glow sticks are not to be scared and can go to no-scare zones. Also, the park doesn’t allow visitors to wear make-up, masks or costumes.

While you’re out there notice that Utah’s oldest amusement park is going to be opening a Biergarten next year!  They’ve had beer sales permits for years but this will the first that Lagoon has sold alcohol on park grounds since 1979.  They have over the years allowed beer trucks to park over at the RV campground during some holidays and when special groups rented the area.  This is irony like when street cars used to travel downtown and to Lagoon, went out of fashion, and now everyone wants fast light rail to get them to destinations in Utah. The park began as a swimming area and dance hall and had quite the saloon. Now we’ll get to experience a Biergarten with steins of different local and imported cold brew and beer foods. The liquid intoxicant won’t be allowed to be taken out of the Garten as beer will be sold in glass mugs.

DIY Don’ts

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I only post on Instagram odd things I find in homes that I see when listing or showing properties. Most of the shots are of retro Barbie dream kitchens from the 1960’s, plaid shag carpet or wall paper archeology. We’ve become a world of trends, where fast fashion and fast designs come and go in a heartbeat. I have no clue how anyone can keep up with all the social media, blogs, photos, videos, television shows dedicated completely to home décor trends. What I can tell you from what I know personally is that I see a lot of interiors in my line of work each week and to steal from the ‘Things That Must Go’ segment on Radio From Hell X96, here’s my list:

-bare bulbs and harsh light fixtures. If you see it hanging at Homo Depot in the home light fixture isle, it’s already passe. Invest in a classic chandelier as your centerpiece if you’re lucky enough to have a dining room.

-dark wood and Italian-style décor. Tuscan tiles are meant for Italy. Ask my friend Michelle who owns Tile for Less in Riverton or Salt Lake-and she may start gagging at the thought of anyone replacing classic marble or hardwood for a dusty stone castle look.

-wallpaper borders at the tops of walls or at chair level. No, no, and no.

-the TV show Mad Men brought the ‘Mid-Mod’ phenom in home décor back. The show went off the air 3 years ago, and as far as trends go, the avocado greens and harvest golds are again, outdated.

-antlers and mason jars. I’m not sure either item will go away as Utahns are avid hunters and home canners. I personally would gasp if someone threw a good Mason jar in the glass recycling because with a new lid I could throw in a batch of jam next time I hop over to the Farmer’s Market downtown.

-sponge painted walls or walls with stencils. Sponge walls usually look like your friend’s kids came over and had a party in your home without your permission. Most people cannot stencil straight or well enough to make repetitive designs look good. DIY don’t.

-dried flower arrangements and wreaths. It is BAD Feng Shui to have dead plants in your living space. They get dusty and ad shed/break apart as they age. Also, silk plants can look good in the right spot, but they also get dusty and faded. And no to fake bowls of fruit. Try your green thumb next time you decorate and eat real food.

-cottage cheese ceilings. This spray on crap originally was made from asbestos! But in 1978 when it was banned from inside homes, the manufacturers went to a paper or Styrofoam material. Ohhh, and sparkles cost more to add after the spraying was complete!  IF your ceiling is not asbestos, you can scrape that crap off by wetting it, scraping, wetting, scraping, etc. If it is asbestos (and you can have that material tested locally for cheap) you can legally remove it yourself. We are the only state left in the nation where a homeowner can do the job themselves (albeit abide by the disposal rules).